Known

I'm drawn to the idea of well-knowing. When I surf with the Wavestorm, I catch a lot of waves and ride them for a while, mostly because I know that board so well. My Father-in-law has been living in Pennsylvania almost his entire life, and knows its streets and cities so well, he practically has a history lesson stored up around every corner. I love studying music, its theory and history, and am proud to know a lot about a band I love or how to play a song without thinking about it. But one of the topics I most enjoy knowing well, is my kids.

When I became a stay-at-home dad for Ellie just a few months into her life, I didn't realize how much there was to know about an infant. But after seeing her through her first year, I was struck by what I understood about her, how well I could navigate her voices and sounds, and how I was able to anticipate and interpret her needs. To this day I am proud of how well I know my kids, and one of the best indicators of that I think, is interpretation.

Both of my kids called bananas, "meenas," for years. It's wrong, but cute.

Kids don't make sense much of the time, particularly to the untrained ear. But how often have you been in a group and your child says something that sounds foreign to a friend, but you completely understand? "She's saying she needs to go potty," you inform with a tinge of pride in your voice, before strutting away to meet the need, feeling like a super parent as you save the day in a way no one else could. It feels good to know our kids, and is something we should strive for. (I'll throw in right here that we are also called to be students of our spouses, and should work towards a similar intimacy in knowing; but that's another blog post...)

My friend Taylor made this video about a couple of guys without kids trying to interpret what different children are saying. It's pretty funny, and kind of sparked this whole idea:

Something both of my kids said that only Katie and I were able to interpret at first was the word "water." Ellie would say, "Wa-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa?" And the longer she held out the last "la" was how thirsty she was. Waverly, on the other hand, pronounced water like a line from one of my favorite punk band's songs: "Woah-woah-woah." Both lines are kind of silly, but I was proud every time a stranger would reply in question at their remark, and I could simply say, "She needs water."

And so I encourage you, Reader, to test yourselves -- how well do you know your kids? Are there any things they do or say that only you and your spouse understand? If so, comment below on what they are. As silly as mispronounced words can be, knowing and investing in our children is one of the greatest things we can do in this life; and so it is always a worthwhile endeavor to listen and to understand these little confusing gifts from God.

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Distracted

If I could describe most parents these days, it would be Distracted. I spend much of my day at parks, and a large majority of dads I see are on their phones the second their kids disappear down a slide, or even while they are pushing them on a swing. Reading articles, checking emails, messaging friends, or maybe even taking pictures to send to family so they feel included -- we are glued to these stupid little devices like they are essential for the survival of our race. Meanwhile, the children are practically crawling up their parents' legs, vying for their attention. (I single out dads, but moms certainly do it too -- I just see it more often in fathers. Whatever that means is another discussion.)

The shameful thing about it all, however, is that, though I am using my little digital soapbox to beckon you all to pay more attention to your kids, I do it too.

Lately I have been working on a Kickstarter to mix and master some of the music I finished recording last year. I never intended for it to become such an ordeal, but it has consumed my life! I find myself spending all day in front of the computer, editing videos or writing copy for the campaign. And though I believe in the project, it all really adds up to me missing tons of time with the kids; and like switching from a vegan diet to a more carnivorous one (which we recently did), it just doesn't feel good.

Taking the kids to skateparks is one of my favorite activities together, but I have certainly been known to ignore a crying child so I can land the trick I've been working on...to my shame. (Photo by Ellie)

But today I took a break. And you know what? It was nice! I spoke with my Mom, hung out (hanged out?) with the kids, did some dishes and laundry. The best part, however, was playing pretend library with the kids, working on sorting skills, and then doing puzzles with Waverly. Ellie has always been great at puzzles and amazed me at how skilled she is. Waverly hasn't shown such an affinity, but we also haven't worked with her as much. So I put in a little time today (very little, really) and she started picking up puzzle and problem solving skills at an amazingly fast rate. It taught me that all this distraction is really just pulling us away from our most important job -- investing in the next generation.

I feel like I've been writing about this a lot lately, but it just keeps coming up. I've spent so many years pursuing art as a career and a calling, which is an incredible consumption of time. But even if this good pursuit is exercised out of balance with the rest of my life, and particularly my daily priority of rearing good and thoughtful children, then am I really making a difference in this world? Or am I just being selfish? And though I write and think and discuss it often, I keep seeing it around me, which only spurs me on towards more writing and more thought and more discussion.

I fear that we Millennials are far too good at living for ourselves, pursuing our dreams and doing what we want to do (or what society tells us we should do), and not good enough at investing in others on a personal level. Even our philanthropic selves will post articles about climate change, take steps towards social justice or volunteer to provide for those less fortunate, but continuously ignore the two bright little eyes staring right up at us every day, beckoning for just a moment of our time. It's a conviction we need a constant reminder of, and one I pray my generation can fix before it's too late.

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If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

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Discipling Our Children

Lately, I was doing dishes and thinking about how I would spend my time if I knew my days were severely limited, by a disease or cancer or something. (Kind of morbid, I know...) I have all these creative projects I put so much time into, which I feel is an important part of my self-expression, as well as a great way to share ideas I feel are important -- and I hope it all lives beyond me. However, should I find myself in a terminal situation, I think I would set those things aside for the most part and spend more time with my wife and kids. And I know that those times, especially at home with the kids, would take on a new meaning.

During that time, I would impart as much wisdom as I could manage to cram into their toddler-sized brains. Create memories and projects that they could look on later to remind them of those lessons. Teach them music. I would write notes to them that they could find later, telling them what and who their identities are found in, and also how much I love them. Essentially, I would disciple them in a very intentional way.

So why am I not doing that every day, right now?

At the moment, they are playing together and I am taking the time to write this blog, as well as work on a music project. Tell me, am I making a good choice right now? Both endeavors are important, sure; and you can't just live your whole life hanging with friends and family, expecting the end to come. But there has to be a balance, and though it's a morbid thought, it may be a necessary one. I'm here to create stuff, sure, but more importantly I am here to train people in the way they should go, so they can do the same to their circle of influence later on in life from a more mature position. It's building a platform the next generation can stand on, and my chief calling as a parent, person and follower of Christ.

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matthew 28:19-20)

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Daddy Dates

Lately I've been having a little bit of alone time with one or the other of my daughters. I get so much time with them on a daily basis that it is easy to neglect singling one out for some more intentional attention. It's great! I've found that even normal things we do every day become more special when it is just the two of us; a new closeness is formed.

I remember reading years ago that a key to successful fatherhood, particularly with daughters, is this alone time with each kid. Making this a routine is so important, because it develops a trust and openness between father and child that later on, when the stakes of certain decisions are higher, the relationship is established enough to make those decisions with parental guidance considered.

I watched Ellie for almost two years before Waverly was born, and felt like I knew her incredibly well, even as just a baby/toddler. When you have two, that alone time kind of gets tossed to the side, more for logistical reasons than anything. But I've always kept these "daddy daughter dates" in the back of my mind, wondering when would be a good time to pick them up with intentionality. I think I'm learning that, even at ages 3 and 4, this time may be necessary, or at least helpful.

And so fathers out there, I charge you to take your kids out somewhere, one-on-one, as soon as you can. A cheap evening at McDonald's would suffice, or maybe just some time at the park or a quick walk. The dividends will inevitably pay off I'm sure, even if it just manifests itself as a closeness for the time being.

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Talking with God

I think the theme of this year is going to be prayer. On New Years Eve we were waiting for some friends to come over and, while trying to find a recording of the New York ball dropping, Katie clicked on a video of Francis Chan speaking about prayer. Though we were a few drinks into the night, it really struck me! Also, upon writing this, our church is doing a series on prayer, practicing the disciplines of it and letting it permeate your whole life. It's all a good way to start the year I'd say.
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Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2)

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So in this journey my kids taught me a lesson about talking with God (as they often do). Sometimes a barrier to prayer is that we assume God knows what we want or what we are thinking; so why is it important to talk to him about it? There are plenty of answers to that, usually pointing towards talking to God anyway, but this morning I received a great illustration.

The girls were playing Play-doh and I was folding clothes. Ellie was making a pirate octopus and Waverly a pizza. I asked the girls what kind of pizza they like, already knowing their answers. Still, it was fun just to dialogue with the children. That's how God must feel, I thought. He must enjoy simply dialoguing with his children! Even though he knows the choices we will make, our desires, our thoughts. And that really shows the compassion of God, right? That he loves us enough to simply want to chat, even though all the answers are already apparent.

So the next time your conversation with God feels futile, remember that it far transcends the transaction of, "God I want this," and him complying. That deep connection that comes through communication is one of the greatest goals in prayer, though it is often one of the easiest to miss.

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