Daddy Dates

Lately I've been having a little bit of alone time with one or the other of my daughters. I get so much time with them on a daily basis that it is easy to neglect singling one out for some more intentional attention. It's great! I've found that even normal things we do every day become more special when it is just the two of us; a new closeness is formed.

I remember reading years ago that a key to successful fatherhood, particularly with daughters, is this alone time with each kid. Making this a routine is so important, because it develops a trust and openness between father and child that later on, when the stakes of certain decisions are higher, the relationship is established enough to make those decisions with parental guidance considered.

I watched Ellie for almost two years before Waverly was born, and felt like I knew her incredibly well, even as just a baby/toddler. When you have two, that alone time kind of gets tossed to the side, more for logistical reasons than anything. But I've always kept these "daddy daughter dates" in the back of my mind, wondering when would be a good time to pick them up with intentionality. I think I'm learning that, even at ages 3 and 4, this time may be necessary, or at least helpful.

And so fathers out there, I charge you to take your kids out somewhere, one-on-one, as soon as you can. A cheap evening at McDonald's would suffice, or maybe just some time at the park or a quick walk. The dividends will inevitably pay off I'm sure, even if it just manifests itself as a closeness for the time being.

Read More

Talking with God

I think the theme of this year is going to be prayer. On New Years Eve we were waiting for some friends to come over and, while trying to find a recording of the New York ball dropping, Katie clicked on a video of Francis Chan speaking about prayer. Though we were a few drinks into the night, it really struck me! Also, upon writing this, our church is doing a series on prayer, practicing the disciplines of it and letting it permeate your whole life. It's all a good way to start the year I'd say.
--

Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger. (Psalm 8:2)

--
So in this journey my kids taught me a lesson about talking with God (as they often do). Sometimes a barrier to prayer is that we assume God knows what we want or what we are thinking; so why is it important to talk to him about it? There are plenty of answers to that, usually pointing towards talking to God anyway, but this morning I received a great illustration.

The girls were playing Play-doh and I was folding clothes. Ellie was making a pirate octopus and Waverly a pizza. I asked the girls what kind of pizza they like, already knowing their answers. Still, it was fun just to dialogue with the children. That's how God must feel, I thought. He must enjoy simply dialoguing with his children! Even though he knows the choices we will make, our desires, our thoughts. And that really shows the compassion of God, right? That he loves us enough to simply want to chat, even though all the answers are already apparent.

So the next time your conversation with God feels futile, remember that it far transcends the transaction of, "God I want this," and him complying. That deep connection that comes through communication is one of the greatest goals in prayer, though it is often one of the easiest to miss.

Read More

Denial

I'm the kind of person who always tries to find a reason for everything...traffic, a lackluster recipe, the existence of the universe. My wife assures me that everything doesn't have to have a reason, especially when it comes to why our kids may be upset or crying about something. "They must be tired," I reason, because if I can find a source for the issue, maybe I can find a solution. Whether she is right or not, I don't know (but she probably is).

So when it comes to difficulties in parenting -- and there are plenty -- it helps me get through when I can figure out why. Lately, we have been really struggling with the juxtaposition of our friends who don't have kids, with their routines and activities, against our largely at-home lifestyle with kids. Last weekend we went to a baby shower and noticed how the childless parents were enjoying long conversations with friends, eating leisurely, having a nice Saturday afternoon before their imminent date nights, golf games and dance parties. Meanwhile, we were struggling to get a few words in with other parents in between making sure our kids ate enough without making a mess, weren't stuffing their faces with desert, tearing decorations off of the table or quietly escaping to the park outside. Parenting is difficult, but we endure.

It takes a lot of patience on my part, but Waverly is getting good at puzzles! Expanding her mind...

As I reflected on this past weekend, it occurred to me that maybe this difficulty is in the design of parenthood. We are called to deny ourselves by Jesus, right? So what better way to do that than to place little creatures in our lives that require more attention that we have to give both ourselves and them, resulting the denial of somebody's needs. Of course, we usually choose to ditch our own needs before our kids' (though some parents don't and even the best parents can't help but be a little selfish at times), so mission accomplished, right? Perhaps that paints a sadistic picture of God, but whatever...it's my reasoning, not yours.

It makes sense in my mind though. I mean, just an hour ago I gave the girls a snack, making sure they were fed before me (I was pretty hungry). Afterwards, Waverly needed help with a puzzle, and though I still hadn't eaten yet, she has been so excited about puzzles lately that I wanted to foster that interest. I denied myself for the good of someone else, and that is certainly good for my soul, right?

So the next time you are frustrated as a parent, or maybe just frustrated in life, consider that perhaps this broken world is more about preparing ourselves for the next life than finding comfort here. It certainly puts small and momentary problems into a larger context, which is a perspective that lends itself well to perseverance.

Read More

God Provides

I realized today that I don't love surfing at El Porto. It's the most consistent spot in LA for the greater part of the year, but almost every session is harrowing in some way. Long paddle-out, powerful waves that often close out, standout sets that make your heart drop to your stomach -- it's rarely a nice, easy-going session at El Porto. But still, we keep returning, because sometimes this is the only surfable spot in Los Angeles.

Today, I went and it was on the smaller side, but no exception in force and paddle-out length. Because of the size, I was riding the Wavestorm, which is almost impossible to duck dive well. And so, whenever a giant wave swamped me, I did what no surfer should ever do and ditched the board to dive under the wave. That's right: I broke one of the cardinal rules of surfing. To justify myself, I always took a good look behind me to make sure my board wouldn't hit anyone. So there.

Taken after the 3-5 ft. session.

If karma is your king, however, I was served for my sins. On a particularly big wave that I couldn't paddle fast enough to beat, I stood on the board to get a better dive, let my board fly, and felt the unmistakable release of a snapped leash on the other side. Thankfully, it didn't get too far away from me before I could catch up, but this is always a bummer, especially in the middle of a surf session. I lasted another twenty minutes or so before jumping off a steep closeout, watching my board toss and turn in the whitewater on the way to shore, and calling it a day.

Anyway, all that long explanation (I love a good story with details!) was to get to the part where I tied my leash together, anticipating that I would forget I had snapped it for the next surf session. But it turns out I didn't need to, because I found a leash on the sidewalk! No one was around, and it was used, but in perfectly useable shape. A higher quality and better brand than the one I was using, this was a Godsend! Which is my point: lose a leash, gain a leash. God provides our needs, but sometimes our wants as well. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened to me, and won't be the last I hope. So the next time you find yourself lacking something, look around -- it might be lying on the sidewalk as a little gift from Heaven.

Read More

Listen

Kids aren't innate listeners, are they? I guess none of us are, which is why we read books and attend seminars on communication. Heck, I even have a Bachelor's degree in it...so I shouldn't be surprised when I tell my children something, and then a few moments later they have completely disregarded what I said.

What sparked this is that I told my kids I was going to the bathroom, so they should just play by themselves for a little. A couple minutes later I heard them wandering around the apartment calling, "Daddy...Daddy...where are you?" Did I not just tell them where I would be? I thought to myself. I let them go for a little while until they figured it out, and then reminded them of where I said I would be. They appeared ignorant, so they either totally weren't listening, or are incredibly forgetful; or maybe some combination of the two. Either way, it is frustrating when someone isn't paying attention to you, right? (My wife can attest to that.)

Maybe it was because I was reading the Bible while I was in the bathroom, and so I was feeling super spiritual, but a thought then occurred to me: This is probably what God feels like when he tells us stuff. (This has been a reoccurring theme in parenthood I am finding.) He gave us this whole book called the Bible with lots of answers to life's questions in it, but sometimes we are just lazy and ask him directly, hoping for a reply we didn't have to work for. That has to be frustrating to God, right? He must be thinking, I already told them that.

Often times Katie and I pray things like, "God, teach us how to be good parents," or "God, show us how to love others." They're good and noble prayers, but sometimes I think to myself, Didn't he already do that...in scripture? (Yes, I make dramatic pauses in my head, just for effect.) It's true though, right? There is a ton of insight on parenting and the whole book is about love -- so what are we missing?

I don't think we're veering too off track by praying these prayers, but I think maybe we're just being a little bit lazy. It's work to read the bible, memorize it, put it into practice. Sometimes it's easier to just let God do the work and teach us stuff directly, right? I can't be too harsh, because I'm not always a learner by reading, but rather by instruction or demonstration, so maybe this is just my natural learning impulse showing up. But it still beckons the self-analyzing question of are we listening to what God has already told us? Because he told us a lot, so we shouldn't ignore it.

Furthermore, God often speaks new insight through his word, or using illustrations from his word, so if we are missing this key element of communication with God, it's like trying to write letters to someone with a pencil on toilet paper -- only so much is going to go through (and most of it will be the pencil).

Read More