Moving On

I got the urge to go street skating yesterday. It doesn't hit me too often, as I have been perfectly content skating skateparks for the past several months. Maybe I'm getting old, or maybe just lazy, but letting the ramps do part of the work just fits right now. But I woke up with an image in my head of an old skate spot I had only hit one time in my youth, and so I tried it out. Unfortunately, the school that had an excellent double set with ledges on each side, and a very attainable five-stair handrail, was totally fenced in and unaccessible without a little trespassing involved. I'm not sure how I could explain getting arrested to my wife and kids right now, so I decided to hit the loading docks I had seen on the way, which seemed pretty fun and empty.

It had a nice little drop to bank, with some higher drops nearby and even a big dumpster I tried to noseslide a few times before abandoning the trick. When a skater approaches a new spot, he or she tries to get familiar with some easy tricks, and then dreams up something new and progressive to his or her skill level. Well, if you read this blog, you know that I like to dream, and this is certainly no exception in skating. The problem is that my dreams are often way bigger than my body can handle, so I end up landing somewhere in between. After landing a few tricks, I dreamed up a backside flip into the bank of one of the loading docks. It's not too creative, nor that technical, but it's what I envisioned and so it is what I tried.

This trick sent me into about an hour of seemingly countless attempts, much akin to my yonder days of youth. I used to try tricks hundreds of times, often beckoning my friends to film the majority of them, until I either landed them, broke a board, hurt myself or ran out of daylight (and sometimes even the latter two didn't stop me). Just like my current street skating status, I don't have sessions like that very often anymore, but yesterday was different. Sometimes it feels good to pursue something with passion, even a faded passion that you rarely experience. It even feels good to get hurt, like I still "have it," the ability to push myself beyond my perceived physical limits to accomplish something my mind made up.

The problem with these types of sessions though, is that they usually don't go the way you want them to. I set up two cameras because I thought this might be a nice trick, and am trying to finish Skater Dad II with a big finish. This isn't so different from my experience trying to complete Skater Dad: the movie , though I will admit the pressure I put on myself now isn't what it was two years ago. Anyway, going for this trick brought back old memories that I would rather forget. Skating to an extreme level will expose in you thoughts and motives you may have not been aware of, much the way marriage or a good friend or hiking a really huge mountain might. You ask yourself all kinds of questions in the process: Why can't I land this trick? Should I even be going for this trick? Do I need to have it on video? Why do I care if anyone sees it? Am I shallow, or just crave the attention? Am I too old for this? These questions lead to an internal dialogue with responses of affirmation, deprecation, anger, humor, peace, turmoil. As I write this I realize that all those years of learning to admit, reject or compartmentalize these types of thoughts have led to a certain level of mental strength that helps me on a daily level. So when your kids want to go skateboarding, let them -- when an emergency comes and they need to think quick in a pinch, they'll be ready.

Card full...

I would love to end this piece with a victorious landing of said trick, but that is sadly not the truth. I tried until the batteries on my camera died and the space on the data card ran out, and then called it a day. Cops drove by about four times, so I figured I might get busted at any point (they didn't); the thought of which brought about a certain degree of open-handedness to the trick. When an outside force causes you to quit, it is easier to walk away than when it is up to your own volition.

And so I pushed my body and mind past the point of exhaustion, all for a trick I didn't land. So what is the point? I'm not sure...

It could have been an exercise in mental strength, as I mentioned before. It could have been to help me deal with some issues of comparison, getting older, goal setting, failure. While shooting this new movie, I have taken a little bit of a different approach, and this session was a good litmus for its usefulness. I used to dream up tricks and then try them over and over and over until I landed them. If I couldn't, I would get bummed and go through footage, hoping for at least a good fall and maybe a redemption session once I healed. Lately, though, I have been going to a spot and just doing the best I can, given the time and availability I have to devote to progression. As a result, I haven't progressed as much as I'd like to have -- I have some, just not as rapidly -- but my skating has been way more enjoyable and shooting the video way less stressful. And so yesterday's session was a bit of a throwback to the old ways, and I have to admit that I kind of like the new one better. Trying to do better, but moving on when time and abilities do not permit, and ultimately being okay with that.

So look for an underwhelming Skater Dad II, coming soon...just kidding. I'm still trying to make an awesome video, but as my wife said about the last one, it is much less about my skating and way more about my cute kids coming along for the ride.

By the way...Merry Christmas!!!

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Wrong Things

I hate to admit it, but I am on a string of domestic mistakes right now, particularly in the area of shopping for our family. In the past few weeks I have bought: children's vitamins for the wrong age, the wrong cooking oil, green olives instead of black, the wrong size diapers, and quite a few other items that weren't the right ones from the list. The good part about it is that it does feel good to return items and watch that money go back into the bank account (even if it will only exit a short moment later with the correct purchase -- ride those highs to get through the lows).

I am a big proponent of the idea that dads can do more than they think they can, but there are some things we just aren't as good at. I don't mean that "we" as a dad-only thing, but more of a personality difference. When I go grocery shopping, I am in and out as fast as I can, mostly because I don't like the crowds, but also because the kids can get a little rowdy in there. My wife, on the other hand, takes her time, reads labels and somehow manages to keep the kids from grabbing everything off the shelves. She also enjoys grocery shopping, where as I merely tolerate it, so I think we're going to hand that responsibility over to her.

Still in my "returns" pile

The same thing happened with our budget. Years ago we decided to start budgeting, and so I, being the man, decided it was my responsibility to lead it. I began an in-depth process of analyzing our spending from the previous year, wanting to create an accurate budget that accounted for a year's worth of contingencies. Well, I got in too deep, and the process took so long that the budget was soon abandoned. Years later, we took the Financial Peace University class at our church, which begins with a budget. This time we let Katie take the reigns and she has done an excellent job for about a year now. I guess we figured out who should handle the money in our family...

It takes a humble man to admit his shortcomings, particularly in traditionally masculine tasks. As for this man: I can't say I don't struggle with not being as good at some things as I wish I was, but I guess that's life. Thank God that he gave me a wife that balances me out, making up for my lack in so many ways. I suppose that's the meaning of one of the earliest verses in the bible on marriage:

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement." (Genesis 2:18 - Holman Christian Standard Bible)

One of my all-time favorite albums. Maybe I need to take a listen!

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Committed

This verse really hit me lately:

The eyes of the LORD search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. (2 Chronicles 16:9)

There is just something epic about that: God looking all about the world, just trying to find people who are committed to him, so that he can bolster them up, encouraging them to press on. Sort of like an anti-Eye of Sauron. (I've been reading Lord of the Rings lately...)

But what does "committed" really mean? I think its essence can be boiled down to one thing: a decision. We decide to follow Jesus, no matter what, and forever. In that decision comes God's strength in the midst of doubt, perseverance and, of course, his love, which initiates the whole thing. But as I think about the concept of commitment, I have to conclude that far too often our relationship with God is more like a friendship than a marriage.

But "friends are friends forever." Maybe sometimes Michael W. Smith, but other times you drift apart, experience splitting differences, change interests, mature at various rates or move away. There are only a few friends I still stay in touch with from my childhood, and even then we have grown differently over the years; the things that once held us together have evolved into something else.

A marriage, on the other hand, is set up to last longer. Not just longer, forever. Marriage vows are made to go the distance. You either grow together, or you have a crappy marriage (to put it a little frankly). So why is it so easy to consider walking away from God, when our relationship to him is described as none other than a marriage?

I know in my journey with Christ, there have been times when I was tempted to quit. Some ideas showed up that didn't line up with what I believed, and I began to doubt whether it was all true. This is normal I think, considering the weight of belief and the enemy of our souls; but how easily do I drift away within this doubt, a little too ready to give it all up? It's like this famous hymn says:

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

Maybe "Come Thou Fount" actually captures the keys to sticking around: grace, goodness and a willing heart. Grace for when we fall -- for surely we receive such from God -- to allow ourselves another chance. God's goodness to sustain us in these times of doubt, not letting us go. And a willingness to give whatever is left over to God, "sealed" away where we can't move it from the throne at which our fragile hearts are chained.

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Trader Joe's vs. Costco

After moving to Southern California, I was introduced to this quaint little grocery chain called Trader Joe's. Of course they were bigger than I realized at the time, and are an ever-expanding company, having spread nation-wide by now. But back then, I was a very reluctant follower in the cult of TJ. Their stores are small and always seem packed full of people. The parking lots are never quite big enough, and the whole claustrophobic experience just made me shy away. Also, they were a little more money than my habits of only-buying-sale-items at Ralphs, which was a store a little closer to what I had grown up with.

However, after a few years and marrying a woman who is very pro-Trader Joe's, I am happy to say I have come around. The problem now, though, is that we aren't in Southern California anymore, where there is a store located in between every Starbucks and Coffee Bean. There is only one TJ's to supply the needs of the increasingly popular Charleston area, and so even though the parking lot is bigger here (more space than LA), the store is still quite crowded. It is also across the biggest hill in Charleston (the Cooper River Bridge), and so I am also not keen on driving all the way over it to get some chips and salsa (they have excellent salsa). Because of the distance, when I became the stay-at-home dad again and regained the responsibility of grocery shopping, I have to say I explored more local options to see if I could find better deals closer (you have to take gas into account too, you know).

The catalyst for Costco.

And what did I find after shopping several grocery stores near me? Trader Joe's is cheaper, with higher-quality food, a no-questions asked return policy and happy workers, thereby making it the greatest grocery store available in the US right now. Yeah, that's right: this once reluctant shopper is now singing the praises of the store he so severely avoided.

But what about the title: Trader Joe's vs. Costco? Comparing those is like apples and oranges, right? Maybe not. We recently joined Costco (for the second time) and I, of course, am examining the cost-effectiveness of this mega store. What I am disheartened to find, however, is that maybe this giant isn't saving as much money as advertised...

Katie and I got into juicing back in 2013, when it became popular because of the movie Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. We actually never saw the movie, but some friends gave us a high recommendation on the benefits of juicing, and so we bought one with a gift card we had. Here's a video of our first time doing it:

Juicing is super healthy, but man, you really obliterate large quantities of fruits and vegetables to gleam only a cupful of juice. This is where Costco comes in. You can get a massive bag of spinach for about $5. A huge bag of carrots for the same. Apples, mangoes, oranges, etc. Buying in bulk is an excellent choice while juicing, and helps keep the cost down. The other noticeable thing about juicing, however, is that it is extremely messy! Cleaning up after juicing burns about enough calories to warrant cheating with some egg nog or a Guinness (or maybe some egg nog-Guinness?) afterwards. As a result, our juicing-life has been pretty spotty.

Recently, however, we got back into it, hence the renewed membership. The thing that I have been noticing about Costco this go around though, is that all this bulk is just making me consume more stuff, which is where my problem lies. I have a massive bottle of scotch, and so of course I pour that extra drink when I want it. Katie went crazy on the snacks when we first got the membership, and so if I'm craving a granola bar -- why not? We have about forty of them stored somewhere. Whilst on the snack topic, the other problem with all these items is that we are creating a huge amount of trash with all the wrappers and boxes and such. The whole thing really just feels kind of wasteful.

But we're saving money, and that's what is important in life, right? (Can you sense my sarcasm?) The kicker of it all, I'm finding, is that even this isn't entirely true! Trader Joe's is so cheap, that things we consume every day (bananas, cereal, granola, wine) are the same price at Costco, if not more expensive! The whole thing has got me questioning whether this membership is worth it at all.

I wanted to share all this because it is in this muddy, every day decision-making that families are built on, rising and falling amongst the corporate hand of mass consumerism. Here we spend our valuable dollars, trying desperately to get ahead while maintaining some degree of normalcy in an ever-fluctuating society. Any little bit of wisdom or insight helps, and though this overly dramatic conclusion may have deterred my credibility with you, hopefully you find this comparison truly useful, and choose to give the mystical land of Trader Joe's a try.

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