Sleep Deprivation

It's no secret that parents struggle with lack of sleep when their children are born. Babies don't sleep through the night naturally, and so it takes anywhere from a few months to a year or two for them to learn to sleep all night. If you haven't experienced this, you can imagine what it will do to a person, waking up every night 2-3 times for months on end. Coffee becomes your best friend, the silent third partner in your parenting alliance.

It gets better as they get older, but I'm not sure lack of sleep ever stops becoming a part of parenthood. We learned early on that our four year-old is a morning person. About a year ago, we had to set a clock in her room and tell her she couldn't leave the room before 7AM. She was waking up earlier and earlier every day, wanting to play and eat! (A little secret here: we set her clock slow, so it was really about 7:15AM when she was waking up. Don't tell her...)

You rest when you can, especially in the early years.

Lately, we moved, and the time change has had its challenges. But we're about a month in now, and things have settled...sort of. Ellie still wakes up so early! What's nonsensical about the whole thing is that there is more to do in the big city, and so we have been keeping them up late from time to time. We did a disco dance night at a park nearby; concerts on the beach, play time at friends' houses and birthday parties have all been keeping them awake past their 7:30-8PM bedtime. So when we keep them up, you would think they might sleep in a bit, right? NO! Ellie still wakes up at 7AM, no matter what. Her internal clock is remarkable. What's worse, is that she shows no consideration for her parents! We could have been up until 2AM for all she knows, and she never lets us sleep in either!  The nerve...

It's silly, but somewhat reasonable, right? If she goes to bed late, she should sleep late. And maybe that's the problem -- my expectations are too rational for parenthood. Rearing children doesn't make sense. We had it pretty good before kids, staying out late with friends, going on snowboarding trips and camping and to concerts whenever we wanted. And then we brought these little children into the world that are almost entirely dependent on us, totally disrupting our convenient little lives in a way that will never be the same. It's all worth it, of course -- I know it is. But sometimes you just have to write a little piece first thing in the morning while you are sipping your coffee, hoping that someone else feels the same way.

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Captain D's

When was the last time you went to Captain D's? Probably a while. The only time I really ever went was with my grandfather because they had cheap fish, and he loved fish (and cheap food), but that had been years ago. I actually have been wondering lately how they ever stayed in business, because I don't know anyone who goes to Captain D's, but they're still here, so I guess someone does.

Anyway, my curiosity and a much needed bathroom break on a long car trip led me to Captain D's lime green door, and I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised! Surprised enough to write a positive review on Yelp, the helpful bloke that I am. Check it out here! (You may notice that I love reviewing fast food, mostly because it is kind of a ridiculous idea, like this particular blog post.)

Besides nice tasting fish and vegetables (along with a not-so-sugary cookie that came with my kids meal), I was struck by the decor. Shiplap abounded, as well as cool nautical themed decorations and a bright green wall. In fact, I have a hunch that Chip and Joanna Gaines got their inspiration from this long-standing restaurant and therefore owe the chain a portion of their successful business, or at least a hearty "thank you." Yes, I would argue that Captain D's was the originator of the shiplap craze, and so if you are a fan, don't be afraid to debase yourself for a cheap fish sandwich and some fries.

Furthermore, they are somewhat environmentally responsible! Their dish ware is partially from recycled paper, and their fish are allegedly very responsibly caught. All of this leads me to believe that the stigma of fast seafood should be lifted, at least a little, and instead of indulging in the seasonally priced fish fillet from McDonald's, maybe you should give the good ol' Captain a try; if for no other reason than old times' sake...

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"Louder Please"

I really love music, especially sharing what I think is good music with others. And so when it comes to my kids, I think it is so fun to force them to listen to all the things I love, because they don't really have a choice at this point, do they? Haha! Of course, I don't make them listen to things they have expressed a disinterest in, but if I want to listen to some of the good ol' punk rock I enjoyed in my formative years, they might as well hear the same thing.

In those formative years, I pretty exclusively listened to Christian music. Currently, I still don't listen to anything too racy, but as I am paying attention to the lyrics from more recent bands I enjoy, they can occasionally be about less kid-friendly topics. "Rhythm and Blues" by The Head and the Heart for instance -- the kids love this song and sing along every time. But when he says, "Oh come on darlin,' won't you let me drive you home? Oh come on darlin,' won't you let me turn you on," well, that's not something you want your kids singing, is it?

Or a more subtle one that comes from a recent favorite of mine, The Strumbrellas, is their song "Spirits," which is catchy and I am sure expresses some deep conflict or introspection on the part of their singer. But I just don't love hearing my kids sing, "I got guns in my head and they won't go, spirits in my head and they won't go." I tried to make it a little more G-rated by singing, "I got bugs in my hair and they won't go, spiders in my hair and they won't go," but Ellie soon realized I wasn't singing the right words and ignored me. (Plus Katie reminded me that that sounds like they have head lice.) It seems my kids have a great propensity for remembering words and melodies (something their Aunt Nicky has always been good at), which secures my belief that they will one day change the world with their music; but in the meantime, I have to be careful of what I listen to around the kids.

My solution lately has been to put a little more emphasis on fun worship music, or at least songs about God in general. I'm not a huge fan of worship music really, but a couple bands I love are All Sons and Daughters and The Rend Collective. They make good folk music that isn't cheesy or generic. I still find it difficult to really enjoy most worship music though, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

Another victory in this area is that the girls typically like it pretty loud in the car (the little punk rock princesses that they are), but they used to just yell, "Louder!" to make their volume requests. Well, it has taken a while, but they are finally up to saying, "Louder please!" when they want more music and less Mom and Dad talking. It's the little things that keep you going, isn't it?

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To Will and to Act

There seems to always be some sort of struggle in the Christian walk when it comes to trying harder. Or maybe "tension" is the right word. It is easy to find yourself striving to be better, without ever seeking the heart of God. I'm sure most of you have seen this, legalism in church or maybe a misguided, but honest pursuit of holiness. But without God, it is nothing more than striving, right? You may make some headway or develop some good habits, but is your heart changed? Are you free from sins that bind you?

The other side to that tension can also be dangerous: depending so much on freedom in grace that holiness is not really a factor or a pursuit, though it is something God is certainly concerned with. So where does the balance lie between these two pendulum swings? According to scripture, it seems that God does way more work than we do, but tonight I came across a verse that gives us a good clue of what our parameters may be in this realm.

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"...continue to work our your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." (Philippians 2:12b-15)

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There is a total humility here when we realize that it is God who works in us, not only to be blameless, but even to want to be blameless. That is crazy to me. Even the will to want to be better is from God. To me this really takes a lot of pressure off of us, not so we can say, "Well, I don't want to do this right now, so I guess I don't have to;" but rather because when we don't want to do what's right, we just need to ask God to inject our lives with that desire. If it is something we are ready for, and a place God wants to take us, why wouldn't he answer such a prayer?

But then right after that, Paul gives us some very reasonable actions that we can employ in our daily lives: in everything you do, don't complain or argue. Okay, that's pretty simple. I'm kind of bad at not complaining sometimes, but that is something I can probably quit whenever the Holy Spirit nudges me. And not arguing can be easy, particularly when we respect each other and realize that the unity of the church is one of God's top priorities.

I love the simplicity of scripture sometimes. Of course it can be complicated, humans are complicated, life is complicated. But then there are verses like these, that give us something to focus on, while also reminding us that the bulk of the work is God's. And what a gracious God we serve that he would even want to make us better and freer people in the first place.

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Toddler Racism?

It was a rainy Tuesday when I took the kids to the local mall indoor play area. This thing is a lifesaver when your kids are filled with energy, but the elements aren't exactly cooperating. There are usually a few moms there with more than a few kids, and this particular day was no exception. The kids were playing pretty well together until I noticed a girl denying a boy access to a certain tunnel with a raccoon on top -- a highly desired location at this park. Not too unusual though, except this girl had let my daughters in the same tunnel several times, and at that moment they sat just behind her, oblivious to the turmoil at the other end.

Maybe she treated this kid badly because he was a boy, but I couldn't help but notice that he was the only black kid in the play place. I watched as she denied him entry with a harsh nastiness in her voice. Then, when she left a few minutes later, he tried again. She saw the attempt and hurried over to shoo him out again. Later, he was playing in a boat toy that she apparently had also laid claim to, and went out of her way to kick him out of there with the same angry tone.

I could be simply riding the tide of current cultural problems, possibly reading into things too much -- it could after all be a boy vs. girl situation -- but I couldn't help but wonder if racism could start at such an early age. It is a learned thing, right? Is 3-4 years long enough to observe the rejection of another people group and adopt it as your own habit? Or maybe it's not learned and we are just born disliking that which is different than us. I don't know.

On the other hand, my wife has often taught in inner city schools and noticed that her first and second graders usually didn't even realize that race existed until that age, or even later. Her kids would play happily, color aside, and were even confused when someone did notice the difference in skin color. It is encouraging to see such a thing, and brings to mind Jesus' claim about children and the kingdom of God.

I am mostly writing this to note an observation and see what others think of it. Have you ever noticed anything like this going on? At what age does racism become an adopted belief? Am I way off here?

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